So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
