I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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