Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize