Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
