Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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