I skipped work to stalk him.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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