seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
