So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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