Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize