This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize