hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize
