So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
