I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
