So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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