i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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