Quick, to the slutcave!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
