I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
