We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
