And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
