i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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