im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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