How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
