Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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