Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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