They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
