Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
