i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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