AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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