I accidentally burped into my bong.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
