she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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