Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
