i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
