I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
