This is not my ceiling
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
