In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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