just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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