I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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