I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
