I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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