blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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