I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
