Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
