Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
