tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
