Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
