All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
my poor anus
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
