Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
