now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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