I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
