nut hugger
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
