What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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