As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
