You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
