So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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