I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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