She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
