Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
