She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
