A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
