guys are not supposed to queef...right?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
