Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
