I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we're making bets on your personal life
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
