Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You are the jesus of drinking
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
