Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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