The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
