how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
