Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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