why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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