and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
