I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
