she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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