I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
