I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize